Selfish Is Not A Bad Word

I know it’s a bit early but I was thinking about Mother’s Day today. Specifically, I was thinking about the differences between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Have you ever noticed how men plan their big day? They golf, fish, hunt, bowl, etc. and they prefer to do any or all of the above with a beer in hand. They view Father’s Day as the perfect opportunity to immerse themselves in their favorite activity, which, coincidentally, does not include any family member tagging along.

And then there’s Mother’s Day. This day typically involves the entire family taking Mom to brunch or dinner, or if she’s really lucky, both. A woman’s big splurge is a day out of the kitchen. Why is it that men get the day off—really off—and we get eggs benedict?

I think the secret lies in biology. Our role was predefined when we were bestowed the gift of childbirth. In prehistoric times the cavewomen stayed back with the children gathering berries while the cavemen went out hunting deer and tried not to be eaten by a T-rex. Men were the protectors and providers. Women were stuck back at the cave watching little Johnny beat the crap out of his brother with a club while little Susie helped Mom crush berries and make stone soup. We took care of the kids, the home, and our caveman when he returned with dinner. That was our job. 

Was there any "me-time" in there? I can’t imagine there was ever a cavewoman that said, “You know what. I’m going down to the mud pit for a facial and then to the hot spring for a good soak. Why don’t you watch the kids for an hour?”

If she did ask she was probably quickly slammed on the head with a club and our heroic caveman found himself another mate. Preferably one that was mute.

Thankfully we’re no longer cave people and we’ve progressed to indoor plumbing, grocery stores and other modern conveniences, but the desire to take care of everyone else and ignore ourselves is still there.

According to Randy Kamen Gredinger, EdD, a psychologist and life coach specializing in women's issues, "There's a tremendous amount of stress and pressure put on women: being parents, being daughters, mothers, wives, professionals. All of these roles combined leave many of us not taking adequate care of ourselves -- which is what sustains us and gives us the energy to take care of all these other responsibilities that we have.”

This lack of self-care has serious consequences.

Marianne Legato, a cardiologist and author of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, explains: "If you never have any time except reactive time -- things you must do for others -- you don't have a sense of control. You are interrupted all the time. Your brain has trouble resting even during sleep. Such chronic exhaustion increases the release of stress hormones, and your blood sugar rises."

If this is your normal state, then the physical consequences increase your risk of diabetes, heart disease and memory problems. And the hormonal effects of always being on edge help deposit fat right around your waist. 

Isn’t that special.

I say, it’s time for a little selfish behavior. It’s time we acted more like men and made time for ourselves…without feeling guilty! (That’s the hard part for me.)

Spring is right around the corner and with it brings a sense of renewal. Why not take some time to think about how you want to change your life. How do you want to incorporate some “me-time” into your day?

I took a huge step in this direction when I signed up for the In8 program. It was all about me. How I wanted to change my eating habits. How I wanted to incorporate more exercise into my life. How I wanted to try new techniques to manage my stress.

I found the structure of the program a great way to jumpstart my path to a new me.

The next In8 orientation session is March 13th at 6:30 pm at the Advanced Wellness Centre. It’s FREE. Why not take the opportunity to learn about the program and see if it’s right for you.

Make yourself a priority! You deserve that mud facial and a dip in the hot spring!

Baby Steps

Michael got the spring cleaning bug early this year. I guess the last couple of days of unseasonably warm weather is fooling not only my plants, but him as well.

Trudging down from the attic Michael dropped two packing boxes onto the dining room table.

“I think this is everything,” he said.

Inside the boxes were letters, cards, concert ticket stubs, photo negatives, and loose stacks of hundreds of photographs from high school, college and beyond. Some of the photographs were sandwiched between white pieces of paper stating “Spring Break 1987” or more vaguely, “College, 1985 maybe?” The remnants from my first attempt to organize them several years ago. I quickly lost motivation and back into the boxes they went.

According to my husband Michael, now, apparently, is the time to get organized. I should note that his life in photographs is neatly laid out in dozens of photo albums. And since the advent of digital technology our family photos are also neatly organized on the computer. This is clearly my issue. One, that after two decades of tolerance, Michael has had enough of.

And yet, the boxes sat in the dining room for weeks, staring at me. Gently prodding me  Michael would ask, “So, do you want to start on the photos today?”

“No, not today,” I’d respond. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Finally, weary of my procrastination, Michael suggested a photo sorting date night. I know, it sounds like a drag, but he said the magic word … wine.

“We can have some wine, sit together and go through them,” he offered.

“Okay,” I said, finally relenting.

With a nice glass of cabernet sauvignon in hand we sat down one Saturday night and started the process. Two hours later, I’d had enough, but we’d gotten through one box.

“See that wasn’t so bad,” Michael said. “We’re half-way through.”

My photos, AFTER I finally organized them.

I procrastinated for several more weeks but finally finished the project. Now, my personal history lives in two small photo boxes and sorted by year. (I still couldn’t stomach the time it would take to put them in albums. But hey, it’s progress.)

Going through all my old photographs made me realize two things:

1) Thank God Facebook wasn’t around when I was in college! I’m ecstatic that the only record of my college years is in two small boxes in my bookcase. Whew!

2) When something seems overwhelming it’s best to break the task down into smaller components and tackle them little by little.

I had put off the project for literally decades because I couldn’t even think about starting it. “There are so many photos,” I’d tell myself. “The project’s too big.” “It’ll take forever!”

So I never started.

The same thing goes for moving toward a healthy lifestyle. We know we should do it, but the project seems so overwhelming and our goal so far away, that we never start.

Well, here’s a little secret: Few people can make all the changes—diet, exercise, stress reduction etc.—simultaneously. Most of us make life changes gradually.

In a society of instant gratification and quick results this can be a tough mindset to achieve, but it’s a good plan. Slow and steady will definitely win the race.

If you’re frustrated with your progress or are feeling overwhelmed with how much further you’ve got to go, don’t despair. Just take it slow. Break down your goals into smaller components and don’t try and change everything at once. Pick an area and focus on that.

I started with my diet. By focusing on eating healthier foods it made me appreciate my body more which led to wanting to exercise to make it stronger.

Other people find the reverse method works for them. By exercising they feel better about themselves and their body and those positive vibes flow into better eating behavior.

It’s all a matter of personal preference, but find an area that works for you and start there.

Remember, baby steps are still steps forward, moving you in the right direction. The race to a healthy life is a marathon, not a sprint!

Support ‘Hos

While support hose are a fabulous invention and worthy of a blog themselves, that’s not what I’m talking about.

The ‘hos I’m referring to are your girlfriends. The women that at a moment’s notice babysit your kid while you run your other kid to the doctor. The ones that listen to you complain about your hair, husband or mother-in-law with sympathy and compassion. The wonderful women that celebrate your successes with enthusiasm and offer a shoulder to cry on during life's inevitable downturns.

These women are a key component to our happiness and research suggests, they’re also a powerful tool in achieving our health goals. Numerous studies have been conducted demonstrating that support from others increases our chances of losing weight and maintaining that weight loss.

A recent study from Stanford University School of Medicine concluded that “Women who ‘never’ experienced family support were least likely to lose weight (45.7% lost weight) whereas women who experienced both frequent friend and family support were more likely to lose weight (71.6% lost weight).” 

Now that February has begun, the shine of our New Year’s Resolutions is probably wearing off. In fact, research suggests that by January 31^st  we will have given up.

If you’re struggling with your healthy resolutions, how about enlisting a friend for support? Join a gym together, agree to walk a couple of times a week, or if you’re really motivated, sign up for the Monument Avenue 10k. You don’t have to run, you can just walk it. I’m doing it this year with my oldest daughter Amanda (14 years old) and my son Grant (11 years old).

Me (in orange) and Lizzie (giving the thumbs up)
as we approach the finish line.

My friend Lizzie got me to actually run it a couple of years ago.

Trying to lose weight and needing a goal Lizzie had signed up for the 10k and asked me if I’d join her. Of course, my immediate response was, “Um, no.” Not because I don’t love her, but because I hate running. Really, really hate running.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” she urged me. “It's easy. We don't have to run fast. Please,” she begged. “I need someone to do it with me.”

“Okay, fine,” I said, not at all enthused, but it was for Lizzie and hanging out with her a couple of times a week to jog and chat actually did sound like fun.

Dutifully we trained and to my surprise it actually got easier. We didn’t set any land speed records, but we plodded along and consistently increased the distance we ran every week.

Race day arrived and we were off. Within five minutes of starting, Lizzie pulled a muscle in her hip. Limping and clearly in pain she slowed to a walk/jog.

“Go ahead without me,” she told me. “I’m going to finish, but it’s just going to take me a long time.”

Woo hoo! We did it!

Channeling my best Tom Cruise impersonation from Top Gun I looked at her and said, “I will not leave my wing man.”

After all, this is why I signed up. To help her achieve her goal. I wasn’t about to ditch her in the final hour.

We trotted along, waved to the crowd, enjoyed the live music from the bands lining the street and eventually finished the race, only slightly faster than the 10,000 people walking the course! But we did it. She reached her goal and I helped her. We made a great team.

Everyone needs support ‘hos. I count on Lizzie to get me to my Friday yoga class and I depend on the trainers in the In8 program to maintain my workout routine. I can’t do it alone. You don’t have to either. Find support where you can either with a commercial program or rope in a like-minded family member or friend. You’ll not only have more fun, but statistically, you’ll also more likely to be successful.

Now that’s a win-win!

10 Tips to Chase the Winter Blues Away

Rain, rain go away, come again some other day.

I’ve been chanting this nursery rhyme for days. The dreary, grey drizzle is driving me mad. Cloaked in blankets, slippers and sweaters and consuming gallons of hot tea, I can’t seem to get warm or motivated to go outside, even to run errands. I think bears have the right idea—we should just hibernate.

Finally, yesterday, the sun broke through the clouds. Hallelujah! Raising my face toward the sky I relished the warmth on my skin.

A little sunshine and I immediately had a boost of energy. Suddenly, I found time to grocery shop, take my dog Snickers for a walk, fold and put away the mountain of clean clothes on the bed and check-off a dozen things on my to-do list.

I’m not alone in having the shortened days and lack of sunshine sap my motivation. It’s well documented that the winter months typically bring on increased sleepiness and lethargy and as a result, weight gain. It’s in our DNA. When our eyes detect darkness, our brain releases melatonin, a hormone that induces sleep. With the sun setting at 4:00 pm no wonder I’m tired by 6:30 pm!

Feeling like I have a case of the “winter blahs,” I researched ways to boost my mood. Here are the tips I’ve collected from the experts on how to chase the blues away.

1. Get out there – Force yourself to go out even though you want to stay in. And if you really want a mood booster, spend some money on a great experience, e.g., a great dinner place, a concert, theatre tickets etc. Research shows that spending money on experiences boost your mood more than buying a new pair of shoes. (Side note to the experts: I don’t think you understand the emotional impact of shoes. My new Toms bring me loads of joy every time I put them on. So there. But I’ll do the experience stuff too.)
2. Do a good deed. Focusing on those less fortunate creates empathy and forces us to appreciate what we have.
3.  Pull out old photos. Grab a cup of tea and start flipping through your kids’ baby albums or that awesome vacation you took to Italy. Who wouldn’t feel better after memories of pasta and wine flood their brain!
4. Try bright-light therapy. Sit in front of a special lamp (a bright fluorescent light that mimics the intensity of the sun) for about 30 minutes every day.
5. Start an appreciation journal. At night, jot down the good stuff that happened during the day. Recording even the most mundane activities that went well will help you focus on the positive.
6. Exercise. Regular exercise relieves stress and anxiety. Plus, working out makes you feel better about yourself which will boost your mood.
7. Try meditation or a restorative yoga class. New research shows that spiritual practices, such as regular mindfulness exercises, can actually change brain structure in a way that promotes a sense of wellbeing.
8. Cut back on alcohol. While sitting by the fire with a glass of wine or scotch seems like a good idea, alcohol is actually a depressant, which can exacerbate a depressed mood.
9. Treat yourself to a massage. During a massage the levels of the stress hormone cortisol fall and the levels of the feel good hormone serotonin rise. Bad stuff goes down, good stuff goes up. Sign me up.
10. Consider Omega-3 and Vitamin D supplements which both have been shown to have a positive effect on depression. Talk to your doctor about the correct dosage, especially with Vitamin D as too much is toxic.

A Broken Water Heater = Motivation

A new year. A fresh start. This time of year is supposed to be full of optimism and energy. So what’s wrong with me? I can’t seem to get motivated.

A new me? Eh, it can wait, I say. A new gym routine? Ugh, I can’t be bothered. I’d rather sit around in my jammies and watch TV.

Is it the cold weather forcing me into a recluse? Maybe it’s some sort of holiday hangover—a big let-down after months of festivities with friends and family?

I’m not sure but my recent attitude reminds me of Newton’s First Law of Physics: a body at rest tends to stay at rest. 

I needed something to get me back on track. A defibrillator to resuscitate my healthy lifestyle.

Ah...my inspiration. Who knew?

I found it in the most unlikely place: a broken water heater.

Last Friday our hot water heater broke. As of Tuesday morning, we were still washing dishes and brushing our teeth with ice cold water. Feeling guilty about bugging my friends to borrow their shower once again, it finally hit me—I can shower at the gym!

Not willing to enter American Family Fitness solely to use the shower, I attended the 8:15 a.m. cycle class. Afterwards I luxuriated in a ridiculously long hot shower. It was fantastic and it reminded me why I joined the gym in the first place.

Eight years ago and struggling to drop the last ten pounds of pregnancy weight after my youngest child was born, I decided to join a gym. I started slowly, attending pilates and yoga classes, nothing too strenuous. Amazingly, that first month I lost five pounds. I was thrilled that the weight was finally coming off, but what really shocked me was how much I enjoyed going to the gym. My weekly outings brought something into my life I hadn't realized was missing—a sense of freedom.

At that time, my children were aged six, three and one. Like every mom of preschoolers, there were no quiet moments to sip a cup of tea, read a magazine or watch TV. My days were filled with runs back and forth to preschool, nap time, potty training and sprinting through as many errands as possible—the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the bank---before afternoon activities, dinner and bedtime. A really good day was defined by a trip to Starbucks. Sipping a latte in the car was my treat, my little luxury.

And then I joined the gym. At first, I just dropped off my one year old Janelle into the daycare center, went to class, picked her up and went home. But then, noticing that Janelle was fine in daycare, I decided to bring some clean clothes and shower at the gym.

Oh.

My.

God!

For a harried mother of three there was no greater pleasure than showering, getting dressed and fixing my hair and makeup completely ALONE. No little ones crying, whining or tugging on my shirt for attention. It was paradise.

Not only was I losing weight but I had regained some much needed me-time.

Exiting the gym Tuesday, my hair clean and makeup on, I felt fantastic. Ready to take on the day. Just like old times.

Our hot water heater is now fixed (finally!) and yet I’m headed back to the gym today. Not for a hot shower, but because, as I was reminded of yesterday, exercise makes me feel good. It’s time that’s devoted to improving myself and, borrowing a slogan from L’Oreal, because I’m worth it.

Now, don’t make me come and break your water heater. Go find your motivation and get out there. You’re worth it!

Aging, Schmaging

“With age comes wisdom”
                                          — Oscar Wilde

“...and crappy eyesight, weight gain, menopause and a pillbox that looks like a candy store.”
                                         — Dianna Stiles


This November I’ll have a milestone birthday, 45, and honestly, I’m kind of freaking out. Up until now I could say, “I’m 40-ish” or “early 40s.” But now, 50 is looming.

I try and rationalize with myself. “Remember how young, inexperienced and scared you were in your 20s (and 30s), Dianna? You’re so much stronger now, more confident, more in control.” I reassure myself.

Yes, I definitely wouldn’t want to go back there mentally, but physically…you betcha!

Just last week I told my personal trainer Will, “I would love to go back to my 20s but with the mind of my 40s.”

That, my friends, would be something.

Of course it’s just a fantasy. My time travel machine isn’t up and running yet. (I’m having trouble procuring enriched uranium from my Iranian contacts.) So I’m stuck here, with my almost 45-year-old brain and body. And I swear, I’m deteriorating at the speed of light.

You know how kids grow in spurts? I’m wondering, do we degenerate in spurts too?

Since last year, I can’t read the dosage requirements on a medicine bottle unless there’s so much light in the room you’d think I was standing on the sun. My Lasik surgery that I had years ago is starting to wane as I need glasses to drive at night. Even though my eating and exercise habits have been stable over the last 12 months I put on a couple of pounds. And I’m always, always cold. I’m going to be one of those old ladies that wears a down parka in Florida.

You’d think that all of this would get me down. And sometimes it does. There are days when I want to throw in the towel, plop down on the couch with a Costco-sized bag of Cheetos, a box of Kleenex and a dozen chick flicks. But I don't. 

I’ve decided that my new motto is: “With age comes belligerence.”

If aging wants to try and bring me down, then fine, give it your best shot.

I’ve just loaded up my yellow pillbox with a multi-vitamin. I’m stepping up my number of weekly workouts. I’ve got a 32 oz cup of water next to my desk to remind me to hydrate. And I’m thinking about getting one of those big, bouncy exercise balls to sit on instead of my desk chair.

I will not go quietly into the night. I might be almost-45, but I’m still full of energy, and anger, yeah, mostly anger. But that rage fuels me.

If you’re struggling to maintain your healthy habits, if the process of aging makes you feel like you can’t win, don’t give up. Just get belligerent. You can do this. You can kick aging’s butt too.

Reward Yourself

You just nailed a difficult presentation. Made a tough sale. Negotiated a raise. Or got your picky toddler to eat carrots. Woo hoo! It’s time to celebrate. What do you choose?

Pop the cork on some nice vino? Splurge with dinner and dessert at your favorite restaurant? Or, skip dinner and just go for dessert?

When I think of rewarding myself it’s always with food. Why is that?

Just yesterday, I caught myself in the following internal dialogue. I had just completed a hour-long cycle class and on the drive home said to myself,  “Wow, you did  a great job, probably burned a lot of calories. You should stop by Chick Fil A and grab your favorite drink—a large half-sweet, half-unsweetened iced tea. You’ve earned it.”

You might be thinking, so what? Right. How can one big ol’ tea hurt?

Well, I know from experience that once I start that kind of self-talk, I end up in the drive-thru lane every day for about a week. And my workout schedule does not compensate for the huge amounts of tea I will drink. Thank God Chick Fil A is closed on Sunday, that usually breaks the spell.

I’m learning to reward myself differently. I’m trying (sometimes not so successfully) to break this cycle because it’s sabotaging my healthy habits.

If you’re struggling with the same issue, here are some ideas on non-food related rewards.

•     Schedule and hour-long massage or other spa service

•     Get a manicure or pedicure at your favorite salon

•     Buy some new exercise clothes

•     Buy a new shade of lipstick (Or for the boys, a new cologne. I guess boys can buy lipstick too. I would just stick to a clear matte finish. Just sayin’.)

•     Purchase some new jewelry or other fun accessories (belts, purses and oh my God, shoes! New shoes are the best.)

•     Download some new music

•     Plan an active weekend getaway (Shenandoah National Park and the Blue Ridge Parkway are less than two hours away and beautiful!)

•     Go to a sporting event (just steer clear of the nachos and beer. And the hot dogs. And burgers.)

Got any to add to the list? I’m always looking for new ideas.

My Not So Skinny Genes

Here’s a picture of some of my female ancestors.

Besides their sunny disposition, notice anything about them?

My family tree is littered with these hardy, solid looking women. I do not come from the genteel class. My female ancestors didn’t spend their days fox hunting, attending glamorous soirees or traveling through Europe shopping for art. They were plowing fields, managing the kitchens of the rich and sewing dresses for the aristocracy. Manual labor put roofs over their heads and food on the table and they were built accordingly.

Their DNA inhabits my body and while I’m proud of my working class roots, their propensity to pack on the pounds I could live without.

A lot of people like to blame their genes on their weight problems, but research is proving that your DNA accounts for very little of your health issues. A study in Denmark on over 3,000 Danish twins suggests that only 25 percent of health issues are genetic, the rest—75 percent—can be attributed to environmental factors. To lifestyle.

And then there are the Pima Indians of Arizona. These individuals have one of the highest levels of obesity and Type 2 diabetes in the world. Half of adult Pima Indians have diabetes and 95 percent of those individuals are overweight. To study the impact of lifestyle on these diseases, a research project compared the American Pima Indians with their Mexican counterparts living in a remote mountainous region in northwestern Mexico.

The researchers discovered the Mexican Pimas, living a traditional lifestyle of greater physical activity and lower consumption of animal fats, had significantly lower rates of obesity and diabetes—only 8% of the Mexican Pimas studied had diabetes (compared to 50% in the American population) and no one was considered overweight. The scientists concluded that despite a genetic predisposition toward these conditions, the healthier lifestyle of the Mexican Pimas trumped genetics.

The good news is that you’re in control of your health. The bad news is, you’re in control of your health!

It’d be so much easier to blame Great-Great-Great-Grandma Katherine for my large backside and call it a day, but that’s not fair. To her or me. While I have to fight to keep my weight in a healthy range, I do it and have done it for years.

It’s possible to triumph over your not so skinny genes, but it takes commitment and hard work. A sense of humor doesn't hurt either. Take a look at these broads.

Now those are some women I'm proud to call family!

The Inevitable Fall from Grace

I fell off the wagon. Plummeted, really.

This is why I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. They’re so difficult to maintain and I hate feeling like a failure. This is also why I deleted the word “obey” from my wedding vows. I had no intention of keeping that promise either.

My challenge in leading a healthy life is always the exercise component. Okay, and the meditation. And now that I think about it, I probably drink way too much wine as well. But the biggest problem, by far, is how easily I let exercise slip, specifically my cardio workouts.

My excuses are varied, quite colorful and sometimes even legitimate.

Like last week, I was staying at a friend’s house on the Chesapeake Bay by myself for a writer’s retreat. I’m working on a book and I needed a bit of solitude to get the creative juices flowing. I wrote and wrote and wrote and it was spectacularly productive, but there was absolutely no exercise involved.

I could have done something, like go for a run or walk down to the bay for a break. But no, instead, to clear my head I chose to watch Atonement, Planet Earth, Bridget Jones’ Diary and Love Actually. (And I have to say, I now have a huge crush on Colin Firth.)

Now the worst part of not exercising has set in—guilt. Well, that and my flabby thighs, but mostly it’s guilt.

If last week was the only time I’d not maintained my exercise routine I wouldn’t worry about it. But honestly, I haven’t even started on my New Year’s resolution to complete two cardio workouts a week.

Finally, I’ve decided that this lackadaisical attitude of mine has to go. So what’s preventing me from getting my now flabby thighs out the door and in to cycling class?

Inertia.

Sir Isaac Newton defined inertia as “every body … endeavours to preserve its present state, whether it be of rest or of moving…”

What Sir Newton is saying is that it’s easier to maintain the status quo than to change. This is why we get stuck in a rut. Because it’s familiar, comfortable. And change is hard, sometimes frightening.

According to Newton, the only way to get unstuck is to apply a force directly to the object. You need a metaphorical kick in the arse. 

So what force could possibly motivate me to change?

Surprisingly, it was a friend of mine. She’s 48 and looks fabulous. I had no idea how old she was until recently and if you’d asked me I would’ve guessed she was 10 years younger.

“Holy crap,” I responded when she told me her age, “You look fantastic.”

“It’s exercise,” she said. “I’m telling you, exercise is the cure-all for aging. Working out several times a week can cover up a lot of other sins.”

Ooh, that’s right. I had forgotten about that. And cardio in particular burns tons of calories.

Sunday, I was back in cycling class, peddling away. It appears that the fear of aging is my motivation. How could I have forgotten that?

If you’re stuck in the status quo or know you’re slipping from your goals, remind yourself why you wanted to lose weight/eat healthier/mediate more and take the first step to get back on the wagon. The hardest part is that first move, getting yourself unstuck. Once you complete that step, you’ll be at a new state of being. And as Sir Isaac Newton noted, you’ll want to stay there.

No More Excuses

It’s over. Kaput. Finito.

The holiday grind has come to an end and so have my excuses for not hitting the gym.

November and December are unique in that most of humanity understands and even sympathizes with you when you say, “I just don’t have time to workout.”

While mingling at cocktail parties, dining with friends and shopping with family members, everyone I talked to was overwhelmed, and like me, had dropped their normal workout routine. Coconspirators in our boycott of the gym, we toasted our busy-ness at restaurants and parties around town. We certainly had time to eat. I mean, you have to eat, right?

But now, it’s a new day, a new year and no one is going to come to my defense when I say, “I’m too busy.” Nothing happens in winter. No major holidays, no month-long celebrations. And no matter how hard I try, no one sympathizes with me when I say, “You know, I’d workout but with Martin Luther King Day right around the corner, I just don’t have the time.”

No time. That's the most common excuse for not exercising. Sure, I’ve used it. And I’ve also invented a few others. My favorite excuse was concocted during the baby-making years. Specifically, the years after the birth of my second child.

Michael and I debated for two-years about whether or not to have a third child. During this multi-year back-and-forth regarding the optimum size of our family, I didn’t exercise at all. My reason? Why do all that work to get in shape just to get fat again during pregnancy? It was easier to stay fat.

Eventually we decided to have another child and a year after she was born, I was ready to make a change. We were done expanding our family. I had no more excuses.

I joined a gym with a day care center and focused on a simple goal—drop the baby weight, once and for all.

I started slowly, attending yoga and pilates classes, nothing too extreme or demanding. To my surprise I lost five pounds the first month. While I was ecstatic with the weight loss, I gained something I hadn’t anticipated. Me-time.

With a kindergartener, a preschooler and an infant at home, I was consistently putting the needs of my family before mine. Getting back to the gym gave me back a sense of self-importance. I stretched my hour-long class into a two-hour stay at the gym. Bringing my clean clothes and toiletries I’d use the facilities to take a leisurely shower. One where my toddler wasn’t banging on the glass door begging for mommy to please get his truck off the shelf.

For a few hours a week I was focused on me. I worked out for me. I showered alone for me. I put on make-up. I even blow-dried my hair.

That’s when I realized exercise wasn’t just about losing weight. It was about taking care of myself. Making me a priority.

That renewed focus on health and wellness transferred over to my eating habits and changed my life for the better.

If you’ve got your excuses lined up about why you can’t possibly workout, eat better, get fit etc., what you’re really saying is you’re not a priority in your life. Everything else is more important.

I challenge you to change that thinking. Make health a priority this year. Make yourself a priority.

To get started, you need a goal. It doesn’t have to be big. You don’t have to run the New
York Marathon or complete an Iron Man competition. But you need to shoot for something.

Here’s a goal setting methodology I like. It’s called SMART.

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based. It’s a thoughtful and detailed approach to goal setting.

Step One: Be Specific.

Goals like, “lose weight” or “eat better” are too vague to be helpful. Instead a goal should be something like, “Lose 30 pounds by exercising 4 times a week, eliminating sugar from my diet, watching my portion sizes, and increasing my intake of fresh fruit and vegetables.”

For example, my new goal is: “to increase the lean muscle mass in my legs by completing two strength training sessions a week and two cardio sessions a week.”

Step Two: Make Your Goal Measurable

How are you going to measure your progress? How will you know when you’ve been successful?

If your goal is to lose weight then measuring your success will be easy. The scale will tell you how you’re doing. Likewise if your goal is to decrease your cholesterol then a blood test at your next physical will let you know how you’ve done.

My goal, increasing muscle mass, is a bit trickier, but I will be able to tell how I’m doing by measuring the diameter of my legs and of course by looking in the mirror. I’m intimately familiar with the look of my legs. That’s why I don’t like wearing shorts. I’ll know when I’m making progress.

Step Three: Make Sure Your Goal Is Attainable

While goals should be challenging, you shouldn’t set yourself up for failure. Your goal should be a stretch for you, but reachable. If you’re unsure how far to push yourself healthwise, ask your physician for guidance.

Step Four: Make It Relevant

Your goals should be relevant to your current situation. For example, in the past losing weight was my primary goal but now that’s not relevant to my health. I’m already in a healthy weight category so my focus is on overall fitness and muscle tone.

Think about what’s important to your health. Maybe it’s losing weight or maybe you need to lower your cholesterol or blood pressure, quit smoking, or reduce your alcohol consumption. Whatever it is, your goal has to be aligned with what you need now.

Step Five: Select a Time Frame

The last component is a deadline. We’re all motivated by them. Just notice the flurry of activity before a big presentation or the jammed parking lots before Christmas. Pressure isn’t always a bad thing.

My deadline is June 1. That gives me five months to get my legs in shape for shorts season. (Yikes. I’m already panicked.)

In the end you should be able to write your SMART goal down in a concise statement or two. For example, here’s mine:

I am going to increase the lean muscle mass in my legs by completing two strength training and two cardio workout sessions a week. I will know I am making progress because the diameter of my legs will shrink and my legs will (finally) look okay while wearing shorts. I will complete my goal by June 1.

Okay people, no more excuses. Make your health a priority this year.

Write down your SMART goals for 2011 and get moving!

It’s All in Your Head

A gym membership. A fridge stocked with fruits, veggies and lean meats. A pantry overflowing with whole grains. Drinking 64 ounces of water a day.

These are the keys to effective weight management, right?

They are certainly beneficial, but surprisingly, they’re not what you really need. The ultimate key to effective weight control isn’t something you can buy. But the good news is, you already own it. It’s rattling around between your ears.

Say hello to the mother of all weight loss weapons. Say hello to your brain.

Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing registered dietician Paula Schnurman from the Advanced Wellness Centre. With 25 years of experience in nutrition counseling Paula is an expert in helping people attain their health goals.

My first question to Paula was simple, “What separates a successful weight loss client from an unsuccessful one?”

“Successful individuals embrace the behavioral change side of weight loss,” she replied. “They are very self-aware. They understand their problem behaviors and use a variety of techniques to help them break down their internal barriers to change and create healthy new patterns.”

Simply stated, you’ve got to think. Think about your problem behaviors, think about when you’re most tempted to cheat, and think about ways to combat those destructive behaviors.

Paula said the most successful weight loss clients employ the following seven habits.

1) Self-monitoring: the observing and recording of behavioral patterns followed by feedback on the behaviors.

Tracking what you’re doing is the first step to understanding your patterns. Are you keeping a daily food and exercise journal? You should be. It’s the best way to monitor your behavior.

I use Livestrong.com’s Daily Plate and when I go over my calorie count for the day, a big, angry red button pops up highlighting exactly how far over I went. Talk about feedback. I hate that red button. It reminds me that I was less than stellar that day and I need to get back on track.

2) Stimulus Control: identifying the major barriers that are associated with unhealthful eating habits.

For example, for me, drinking wine with friends can lead to overeating. And dancing. And karaoke. Given my vocal range, the karaoke is really the worst part of that scene.

3) Problem Solving: Developing coping strategies to deal with temptation.

For example, I don’t want to give up drinking wine with my friends, but I can limit the amount of wine I drink by alternating between a glass of wine and a glass of water. Or, I can have a healthy snack before I go out, which will make me less hungry and less likely to overindulge.

4) Contingency Management: A positive-reinforcement approach where rewards are given for adherence to desired behavior.

Let me state first that food is not a good reward system. Although it’s tempting to treat yourself with a slice of cheesecake or a vat of cookie dough for losing a few pounds, it’s more constructive to pick inedible rewards.

My reward to myself was a new dress for my cousin’s wedding. It was fun to go shopping for my new shape and the experience had the added bonus of keeping me motivated to stay on plan.

5) Cognitive Restructuring: Refuting faulty thinking with positive self-talk.

Do you remember the character Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? The skit was titled, “Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley.” Stuart, a bleached-blond, effeminate man, would try and help his guests fix their problems and at the end of the skit he would look in the mirror and say, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

Hollywood loves to mock the self-help movement and that skit was hilarious. But Stuart actually had a good point. A positive internal dialog is vital if you’re trying to change your behavior.

Just think about the following statements. Which one do you think is more likely to get a positive result?

“I might as well eat the fried chicken and mashed potatoes because I’m never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off.”

OR

“I’ve conquered the corporate world, survived two teenagers, and assisted my parents through multiple illnesses. I can figure out how to eat salads and exercise.”

6) Social Support: The physical and emotional comfort we get from family, friends and co-workers.

Success is rarely achieved on your own. Reach out to people to help you. I know I’m more likely to go to the gym if I’m meeting someone there.

7) Stress Management: Learning to change how we manage stress.

A lot of us are stress eaters. We love our comfort food, but that’s a horrible habit.

Since stress is a part of life, you’ve got to develop different coping strategies instead of food. Meditation, exercise, talking with friends, there are a variety of things you can do to relieve stress.

Since I’ve yet to successfully meditate, I rely on exercise and chatting, or venting, which is probably a more accurate description. There’s nothing like a good kvetch session to get out some frustration.

There you have it. Who knew you just had to use your brain.

Now go get thinking!