Not One More Thing

Sitting in my home office, hurrying to check things off my to-do list before the kids scream in the door after school, the phone rang.

“Hi, this is Eric’s mom,” the cheery voice said on the other end of the line. “Eric was wondering if Grant would like to join his LEGO robotics team? They’ve discussed it in school and apparently Grant is really excited about it….”

“I’m sorry. What is this exactly?” I asked, completely confused. As usual, Grant hadn’t informed me about this new activity.

“The kids build robots together…we meet for an hour a week at my house…blah blah blah…,” she explained.

As she talked I thought about the logistics of adding this to my schedule. So, every Tuesday Grant will get home, quickly do homework, I’ll race him over to the robotics team thing, then we’ll race back home put on his soccer gear and drive over to indoor soccer training. I'll get home just after 5:00 pm, throw something on the table for dinner and race back to pick him up from soccer practice.

And that didn’t account for anything going on with my two daughters, myself or my husband. And that’s just Tuesday. The other six days of the week are equally ridiculous.

Shaking my head and in a voice more forceful than I meant it to be, I said, “No. I can’t do it. I can’t do one more thing.”

“Well, it wouldn’t take up a lot of time. It’s just an hour…” she continued.

“No,” I reiterated. “I’m sorry. I just can’t. My schedule is crazy. Grant's got winter soccer. Amanda's got field hockey. If I commit to one more thing I think I might have a breakdown.”

“Oh,” she said, pausing before adding. “Eric was really looking forward to having Grant on the team.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I just can’t.”

Hanging up the phone I placed my head in my hands and rested for a minute. To-do list items careened around my brain—social commitments, kid activities, work deadlines. I could feel my heart racing, my breathing becoming faster and more shallow.

Adding to my already elevated stress level is the holiday season. With shopping, shipping, wrapping and entertaining added to my already packed schedule, this girl is ready for the psych ward—for its soothing white décor, hushed voices, padded walls and the mildly restrictive white jacket. If I could request a straight jacket in black (black’s more slimming, you know) I think I’d admit myself.

Since I really don’t have time for a nervous breakdown, I did the next best thing.

Breathe. Just breathe.

One of the basic tenets of the In8 program is to incorporate meditation into your everyday life. While I struggle to find the time for a full 20-30 minute daily session, I have found that taking time to breathe deeply gives me a sense of calm.

I’ve posted about Dr. Andrew Weil’s relaxation breathing technique before, but I think it bears repeating. This takes five minutes. FIVE MINUTES! I do it in the car at a stop light, sitting at my desk, even waiting in line at the grocery store. It's fabulous.

Here it is:

The 4-7-8 Breathing Exercise

Sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

·      Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.

·      Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.

·      Hold your breath for a count of seven.

·      Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.

·      This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

As you venture out to join the mall crowds or try to tackle that neverending to-do list, take a few minutes and just breathe. It’ll calm your nerves, lower your heart rate and help you accomplish those commitments in a calmer, more relaxed manner.

Just Breathe

Earthquakes, hurricanes and a potential nuclear crisis. Who knew Richmond, Virginia was a magnet for natural disasters?

Last week we had a 5.8 magnitude earthquake shake the house and more disturbingly, shut down the Lake Anna nuclear power facility. Only 10 miles from the earthquake’s epicenter, (and only 40 miles from my house) the facility is still offline as officials check for damage. That was last Tuesday. On Saturday, hurricane Irene blew through town, blowing debris all over the city, knocking down trees and leaving thousands of Richmonders without power.

What’s a neurotic mother of three, located in the shadow of a potentially disabled nuclear power plant to do?

Now is a great time to call upon one of the tenets of the In8 lifestyle change program— stress relief.

The program emphasizes the benefits of meditation—and there are many—but for me, it’s impossible to sit quietly in a room. My thoughts are too numerous. They race around my head like the ever-changing news ticker at the bottom of the TV screen on CNN. My personal news ticker screams, “Dow plummets, Stiles family loses entire 401k.”  “School starts Tuesday. Get supplies.” “You really shouldn’t have eaten that muffin.” “Call your sister.” “Call your mother.” "Lose weight." "Workout more." 

And so on, and so on.

Always on the lookout for a stress relieving alternative, I found something I can actually do. Deep breathing. 

According to Nancy Zi, a Glendale, California-based breathing expert and author of the book and video set, The Art of Breathing, “Breathing incorrectly can produce tension, exhaustion and vocal strain, interfere with athletic activity and encourage aches and illnesses.” While breathing correctly can “melt away tension and stress, improve energy or simply relax and unwind.”

Dr. Andrew Weil, the famed alternative health care doctor, recommends the following deep breathing technique for
 stress relief and relaxation.

The 4-7-8 Exercise

Sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

·      Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.

·      Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.

·      Hold your breath for a count of seven.

·      Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.

·      This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply.

This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. Unlike tranquilizing drugs, which are often effective when you first take them but then lose their power over time, this exercise is subtle when you first try it but gains in power with repetition and practice. Do it at least twice a day. You cannot do it too frequently. Do not do more than four breaths at one time for the first month of practice. Later, if you wish, you can extend it to eight breaths. If you feel a little lightheaded when you first breathe this way, do not be concerned; it will pass.

I think this might be the best stress relief activity EVER since it allows me to multitask. I can keep myself alive by breathing and calm my mind at the same time. Awesome.

Now if I could also check email simultaneously I think I’d really be on to something.

Health Journal Article

Dr. Bryan Lowry and I recently collaborated on an article for Health Journal magazine called "Relax: You're in Control." The article addresses the affects of chronic stress and the healing power of meditation. (you can find it here).

If you don't read the Health Journal you should check it out. It's got great advice, tips and information on a variety of health topics. Their website is http://www.thehealthjournals.com/ or you can pick up the print version. It's FREE! I've seen it at Martin's grocery store and American Family Fitness near their entrances with all the other free publications.

Okay, Okay, I'll Meditate

Something is going on in the universe, pushing me, no, demanding that I meditate. No less than six people have recently suggested that I would benefit from the practice.

Is it the fact that my shoulders are permanently attached to my ears? Is it the eye twitching? The scattered thoughts? The distracted and confused stare? What exactly about me do they see that makes them think, "Boy, could you benefit from some stress relief?"

"I've tried it in the past," I tell them, "It's just not for me."

Unwavered they respond, "Yeah, you should really try it again. Really."

So here I am, giving in to the universe and trying it again because apparently, I could really benefit from it. But this time I'm trying a different technique.

Traditional meditation, where you sit quietly focusing on nothing is a disaster for me. I'm incapable of shutting down my brain. It's constantly spinning, reminding me to get bread at the grocery store, schedule my dog Snickers' vet appointment, clean the house for the upcoming holiday party and help Amanda with her science project. How anyone can sit still and NOT think is beyond me. This is why I'm not the Dalai Lama. I'm not enlightened. I live in the dark stressful space of an anxious mother.

I need a different kind of meditation, a technique that occupies my mind, gives me something to do. Thankfully, I recently learned a type of meditation that does just that. It's got some fancy medical name which I cannot recall so I coined it "See-Hear-Feel" because I'm kind of an idiot and that moniker helps me remember what to do.

Here's how it works.

First, sitting in a comfortable position, begin breathing through your nose, taking several deep, calming breaths.

Next, let your eyes wander around the room and find an object that appeals to you and focus on it. This is the "see" part. Continuing to breathe through your nose, notice the object and the characteristics that make you want to look at it. Is it the color? The way the light hits it? Mentally describe the object to yourself, focusing only on what you see.

Then, continuing your nose breathing and staring at your object, focus on what you hear. The whir of the heating system, cars passing by outside, clocks ticking, whatever is around you. Again, make a mental checklist of the sounds in your vicinity.

Finally, turn your attention to what you feel—physically, not emotionally. Maybe you feel the chair pressing into your legs or your legs crossed over one another. You might notice that you're hungry, cold, or warm.

Continuing to breathe through your nose, you should feel markedly different by now, much calmer, more relaxed.

Our stresses and worries live at a very high level of cognitive function. We are problem solvers constantly trying to fix the issues that plague us. This technique works because it forces our thoughts on basic sensations, what we see, hear and feel, placing us in the present moment, temporarily giving us a respite from our worries.

I like this technique because it can take as little as five minutes and it gives my mind something to do. Plus I can do it anywhere, no special CD is required.

My final piece of advice is: DO NOT pick your "to-do" list as the thing to focus on. Admiring your handwriting or the way the sun highlights the word "coffee" on your Costco list isn't effective.

Happy meditating everyone!

I Just Can't Do It

Meditate. The word calls to me every day on my iCal application. Sparkling in its purple highlighted cell, I look at it, acknowledge it, and ignore it.

Instead, I tackle hair appointments, doctor visits, the gym, the grocery store, even the library’s summer reading program gets a higher priority. I accomplish everything on the iCal schedule, except meditate.

I should do it, I know I should.

Several years ago I sought the help of a therapist for various issues, and he, after only a few sessions said, “I think you would really benefit from meditation.”

He was apparently so convinced I needed it that he made me a meditation tape. As I exited his office, he handed me a cassette tape. “Listen to it, I think you’ll really like it.”

Thanking him, I left and stared at the black plastic rectangle with the word “meditation” hand-written across it. I couldn’t help but think, Who makes a cassette tape anymore? I mean, is that technology even around? How old is this guy?

Meditation: Take-Two

Last Sunday, having selected my meditation room, I decided to finally give it whirl.

With meditation CDs in hand, I walked up to the attic, my faithful dog Snickers at my heels. Knowing Snickers would whimper outside the closed door, I let her in the attic and locked the door behind us. I sat down in my meditation zone, my back against a denim beanbag chair, a portable CD player on the floor in front of me.

Okay, I thought, here we go.

The CD started and I immediately let out a laugh. My meditation leader, Dr. Marty Rossman, sounded like Ben Stein. How on earth was I supposed to meditate with Ben Stein leading me? All I could think of was his line in the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,    “Beuller? Beuller? Bueller?”

To Meditate or Not to Meditate…Okay Fine, I’ll Meditate

I’m supposed to be meditating twice daily. Oops. I still haven’t done it, once.

And I know the problem, actually I have two problems. The first and most formidable, is this: I kind of think it’s a bunch of hooey.

I know there’s tons of research to support meditation as a powerful form of stress relief. I know it’s an ancient practice dating back thousands of years. I know, I KNOW! But it just doesn’t seem like the kind of thing I would do.

My vision of people that meditate run the spectrum from stoned hippies to the Dalai Lama. And while my soul screams “child of the sixties,” I’m really not. I came of age in the 1980s, when consumerism and excess were as big as my hair.